People Pleasing
Let’s talk about some people and a few things….
For years I was caught up in other people! I was a…..people-pleaser. I’ve never really brought myself to admit it so typing that for the 1st time feels like I committed a sin. Being from my background that’s all kind of flabbergasting, or is it?
I am my mom’s only child. I have ‘adopted’ siblings but none that she conceived. Still kind of surprised she conceived me, to be honest. I am the last kid and only girl for my dad. My brothers are 12 & 14 years older than I am. I was the ‘big sister’ to all my ‘cousins’. Most of them weren’t actually related to me but they were family. By the age of 12 I was the unpaid babysitter.
In high school I got good grades but eventually became so bored that I would skip classes…I’m sure you can imagine all the undesirable things I could & would get into. I spent all that time with my head in the clouds wondering how I could build myself a family since I wasn’t really connected to my own.
I eventually found solace in a few people who really only liked me for the fact that I had extra money here and there so we could do things. In my head I realized that most were opportunistic as I had the means that they didn’t but I was so weak that I stuck around anyway. Shortly after, I simply grew accustomed to my life as their ‘go to’ for cash.
The odd thing is, there were some people in that group that actually liked me for the ‘real’ person I was described to be. The issue was that I had put all feelings to the side by this point. I enjoyed the constant attention but all trust in humans was lost. I took this same attitude into adulthood. For a while I was dubbed a ‘loner’ as I was very detached from everyone. It wasn’t long before I started working at a job where I met a few people & for the 1st time in a while, had some friends. This opened my eyes to the other friends that I’d accumulated from a previous job & even those from high school.
I made sure I kept in touch. It was important to me that I called to check on people, it is to this very day. I tend to call people who don’t message me for months. If I think about you, I check in because you could’ve been placed in my thoughts for multiple reasons BUT it only recently dawned on me that in doing that I had also been forcing some friendships that just weren’t meant to last. As adults, as humans really, it’s important that we understand that not everyone is supposed to take every trip with you. Some people were only sent to get you to the train station or into the car.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m still checking on people but not everyone will remain in my circle of ‘friends’ & after I realize that I’m the one who’s always calling…..I’ve overextended myself. I wish I could accurately describe the level of freedom this epiphany afforded me.
Sometimes you just have to drop the dead weight. If it no longer serves you, no matter how much fun it was, remember that it WAS….it’s time to move on.
Originally published at https://thedashliterally.blogspot.com on October 5, 2020.
